These raps were written on Monday, 12.22.14, as my students worked collaboratively on their raps.  I tried to give them good models of how to write a parody song.  This exercise gave me a great opportunity to parody some of my favorite rappers, including Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, Eminem, I Love Mikonnen, Jeremih, and YG.  Additionally, I had the opportunity to learn a little more about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa as I researched them for the purpose of writing the raps.  This was a fun exercise that the students enjoyed a lot.  I'll look to post some of their work on my site as well.

The Tradition

My friend and colleague Max Heinegg started a tradition of having the students write holiday-themed parodies of famous rap songs.  The students then present them in class on the day before a school vacation.  We look to continue the tradition here.

Holiday Raps, 2014

“Forever:  A Celebration of Diverse Holidays”
written by David Ambrose, 12.22.2014
(A Parody of “Forever,” by Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and Eminem)

[HOOK:] 
It may not mean nothing to y’all
But understand the season’s diversity
So I don’t plan on shopping at all
I celebrate forever, man
I’m shutting it down at the mall
Telling my friends not to buy for me
Holidays, recognize them all
I celebrate forever, man.

[TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS CELEBRANT:]
Last name Christ
First name Jesus
Hanging in the manger / since I was but a fetus
It started off at the inn, but thanks to lack of vacancy
Joseph, Mary, me – we’ve been forced into complacency
Your messiah has just arrived / Jesus
Wisemen come from all around / to meet us
People be all lost and wandering / so seek us
It’s Christmas, not Halloween / so don’t trick or treat us
Drop some quick quotes, that stuff sounded like a proverb
Who’d have thought some books called the gospel would be the good word?
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John / I get them all blurred
They be like Elmo, Oscar, and Grover / Me, I’m like Big Bird
Yeah / I’m about that Christmas
Stopping selling in the temple, you would swear I had a hit list
Everybody’s ever sinned is asking for forgiveness
If you ain’t been a part of it, at least you got to witness
Christians

[KWANZAA CELEBRANT:]
Maulana used to have great dreams
Kuumba, Imani game
He planned a holiday until his friends came
He went hard all fall to plan a Kwanzaa week
Knowing seven principles is what we all seek
Recognize our story, glory
Holiday is young,
More Nemo than like Dory
When Kerenga blew up they build a statue or three
Alternative to Christmas?  What?  Nothing…
Now many celebrate both holidays, loving
You would think I ran the world like Michelle’s husband
You would think they celebrate at JFK when they really doesn’t
Oh but they do, aware of this you wasn’t
You know I love Kwanzaa
As much as I love Christmas or Hanukkah
Trade my baseball bat for a Mkeka mat
Remember the candles and kinara – I don’t forget that
Got a black and green flag on my Kwanzaa hat
My girl’s in her kaftan and her shoes are flat
So she can dance, play the drums, and do the finger snap
I used to want Christmas forever, y’all can have it back.

[SANTA CLAUS CHRISTMAS CELEBRANT]
Oh, hello this is Santa
Orange soda / Fanta
Eat a lot of junk food / I blow up like a panda
Look like I ate the harvest
Don’t need to shop at Target
My elves sewed me this suit / that’s why it’s white and scarlet
And I will never stop / vigilant like I’m a cop
Elf on the Shelf looks down at you from the top
Riding high on my sleigh until it it drops,
But what should I scream for, my sleigh’s magic tree bark
My smile shines though soot makes my suit dark
Dancer, Prancer, on my left / you don’t want to hear reindeer talk
Let St. Nick talk, check the price, and pay attention
SANTA CLAUS! That’s my name, did I mention,
I’m making toys in the middle of the summer
Never resting at the North Pole, don’t need a pillow and a cover
Shhh, the kids sleeping at long last,
No time to waste, deliver gifts real fast.

[HANUKKAH CELEBRANT:]
There they go, dedicating temples
Maccabees revolt
Nuts they go / we lack oil to make all the candles glow
This is going to make us look like bozos
He’s wondering if the oil can burn real slow
Oh no, go for broke
Matisyahu’s cup won’t runneth over, oh no
He ain’t had a time like this since last time Moses had to flow
They’ve been waiting patiently for the Syrians to let them go
Back to temples that they know
Judaism will never be the same as before
Bashing in the brains of Zeus and Greek gods like those
And establishing religion as he goes
The menorah and the flame’s ignited
You can’t put it out once we light it
This candle’s gonna burn for eight days, just try it
You dealin’ with a few true villains
Who stay here at the temple though blood be spilling
And spit true feelings, ’til Yahweh is filling and flying out of our mouths
Now rewind it
Pay back Antiochus for the way you got at us Jews, so how’s it taste?
When I slap the word “Zeus” out of your mouth with a dreidel so loud that it shakes the place
I’m King Matisyahu so just in case you think of putting out our light
You ain’t gonna have no oil to burn after we fight
Eight days of lights! 

“Santa Claus Going Up On a Tuesday” 
written by David Ambrose, 12.22.2014
(A Parody of “Tuesday” by I Love Makonnen featuring Drake)

Santa Claus going up on a Tuesday
Got the kids making lists and they choosy

Working Monday night, at the North Pole working hard
Made at least three thousand little toy cars
I’ve been working graveyard shifts every other weekend
Ain’t got no time ’cuz I make toys every weekend

I’ve been making a doll house, making toy car highways
I’ve been riding out of state, riding sleighs like my way
I don’t think that I should eat, I’m just gon have another drink
But chocolate cookies so sweet, go well with milk, I think

I’ve got reindeer on the sleigh, you know their noses pink
Except for Rudolph, his is red, and it guides us ’cuz it blink

“Don’t Tell ’Em [But Santa Seen You Being Naughty]”
written by David Ambrose, 12.22.2014
(A Parody of “Don’t Tell ’Em” by Jeremih featuring YG)

Throw it up, 25^th day of month twelve
I got a missed call from your elves
She’s been plottin’ making toys for a cool minute
She wanna take a break, I’m not cool with it

I like elves at the North Pole, making toys is fresh
Get your toys from Santa, not on the internet
Leave me late night milk for my thirst
’Cuz it was late night and I was thirsty

Girl, I been to that county, girl, I ain’t tellin’
But I seen when you’re naughty and you acting jelly
I keep a watchful eye like I can keep a secret
So be nice not naughty when you play games, no cheating

My reindeer stored in my phone under fake names
Mrs. Claus knows I’m faithful, I ain’t runnin’ game
YOLO, this kid he asks for POLO
So I'll deliver gifts from uno to ocho